If there's one thing we've all learned in 2020, it's that nothing is guaranteed. You've been stuck at home and only one thing is for certain:
We can't rely on anyone else to take care of us.
Not the government.
Not your parents.
Not your spouse.
Everything we likely thought was guaranteed, isn't. We've all had to pivot (or are trying to pivot) due to COVID. We've pivoted business plans, we've pivoted learning formats, we've pivoted parenting schedules, and we've pivoted our careers.
It's been the only real option unless you were lucky enough to be unaffected (Is that anyone, really???).
If you are a parent and a spouse, you've learned that you love all these wonderful people in your life, but need a damn break. AM-I-RIGHT?
And quite possibly, if you are living with someone struggling with addiction, you might be unable to get that break. The one break that allowed you some solace, some peace. The break that gave you just enough peace to allow you to keep going.
But, now, there is no break. There's no leaving the house and if there is, it isn't for long enough. You might be thinking,
"I need to address this thing that I've been putting off."
It's not easy. Sometimes moving forward "as is" feels like the path of least resistance. Most likely, because it is. Change is hard. Having difficult conversations is hard. But, so is life as it is.
We get to choose our hard. Maybe your spouse is drinking too much and has been for a while. Maybe his behavior is making you feel like shit. You feel like you are walking on eggshells, not sure of what to say or do that won't send him into a verbal tirade of all the things you are doing that are most certainly not acceptable in his eyes.
I walked on them for years. I tried to walk all sorts of ways on them. Maybe if I tried doing this a different way, it would be better. Maybe if I said this a different way, it would be better.
Can you relate?
If so, please hear me on this. This is no way to live. Walking on eggshells is a losing game. There's no way to walk on them that doesn't crack a shell. No way to tip-toe around the volatility in that personality. No way.
This isn't a post about leaving your person. Not at all. But, it is a post about finding your way to a more stable place to walk. Maybe that means you enter couples counseling. Maybe it means you seek therapy for yourself. There are a ton of virtual therapy options right now - maybe one thing to be grateful for in 2020.
I've been right where you are. Uncertain of what to do, what to say, and what next step to take in several different relationships, not just with partners.
I started therapy (no worries if it's not your jam), I read the books, I immersed myself in information so that I could feel better. Then, I went to graduate school to better understand the people in my life and really learn about addiction and mental health.
Through it all, I learned how to manage my part in these relationships. I didn't need to enter couples counseling, I had my answers. I went through a self-discovery process and I figured out who I was and what I wanted. I prioritized myself. For once in my life, I treated myself like I actually mattered. Because I do. Just as you do. You matter.
It's the same process I teach in my coaching practice. When we love someone with addiction, we effectively lose ourselves. I couldn't even answer the basic question of "What do you like to do for yourself?". It left me speechless.
This process taught me how to find what I liked to do, how to honor and respect myself with a new level of self-love that I hadn't felt since grade school.
If you understood this post, I'd love to chat with you. Book a free, 30-minute call and let's see if you could benefit from my model of self-discovery, Transform Any Relationship in 12 Weeks. Book your call here: Calendar