Letting Go - Relationships, Expectations & The Past

Seems like a dream, right?


I posted a question in my group yesterday, "If you could work with me for one hour, what would you want help with?". I posted so I could make sure I was serving everyone the best I could and trying to tie up any things I might have been missing.


In reading the responses, there were several things that came up:

  • Boundaries

  • Confidence

  • Letting go of relationships that don't serve us

  • Wanting a relationship

  • Getting over the past

  • Working through triggers

  • Dealing with the guilt of death

  • How to feel good about ourselves

There were more, but this is the bulk of the responses in one tidy little list. When I look at these items, one string runs through them: Letting Go.


We need to let go of expectations, let go of what could've been different, let go of the anxiety around what might happen, TRUST that someone (God, in my life. Universe, spirit, guide, for others) has your back.



When we are in relationships we know aren't good for us, a few things are happening:

  • We are scared of being alone

  • We are comfortable

  • It's not THAT bad

  • We don't want to hurt someone else

So, what do we do? Well, we stay. And, if we don't stay, we hang on by a little thread, making the relationship messy. I'm not here to tell you to leave, but to guide you toward the right decision for you. And, maybe it means that you just wait a bit. Maybe it means you stay. Here are some past blogs if you find yourself in this situation: 5 Signs Your Relationship is Not Working & The Reality of Lost Relationships.



What about the past? How can you just let go of things?


There will always be something we could have done differently. There will always be things that we wish someone else would've done differently. We're human. Humans are imperfect and I think that is the most perfect thing about us.


Consider yourself as a child pondering the question in your mind, "Why didn't you do more?". Seriously, in your mind, imagine yourself as a child and ask her this question, "Why didn't you do more?". Seems absurd? Not really. If we can have some grace and forgive the younger version of ourselves, then why can't we forgive ourselves now?


I think about losing my brother to suicide and all the things I could've done differently, but I didn't. I don't spend much time dwelling in this space, but if I'm being honest, my mind does wander here from time to time. Now, I think about my brother in heaven and what he would say to me. I know he would tell me to let go, that it wasn't my fault, and that it happened and there was nothing more I could do. I know that in my heart. If you are struggling with guilt or worry about what you could've done, I hope this helps.


And, how about confidence? Feeling good about yourself?


I'm going to share a story about my weight. It is something I have struggled with since a girl poked my belly in the 7th grade locker room and called me the "Pillsbury Doughgirl". True story - you can read about it in Warriors in Recovery. Funny thing is, I have always carried weight in my tummy. So much so, that I hired a personal trainer, and dieted my way to about 130 lbs (which is barely in my healthy BMI range at 5'3"). When I hit it, I went and got my belly button pierced, because, well, belly be damned. I hated it. Still really don't like it much.


I've dieted on and off ever since, and when I gained the weight back and that belly button ring kept getting infected, I removed it with a bit of sadness. It was the loss of what I hoped I could be. But, that's not me. At least, it isn't right now. And, that's okay.


I started a practice that has changed my life in all aspects. Anytime a negative thought comes to mind, I brush it aside and replace it with a positive one. I've mentioned this so often that I even hesitate to put it into writing here, but this practice is GOLD. So, when I think, "My belly sure is chubby", I immediately reframe it to, "I am doing a great job of balancing lots of things in my life". I say it this way because I know that one day I will work at losing weight again. But, for right now, I am giving myself some grace knowing that I can not do all the things and remain a happy, sane woman. I just can't. So, I accept right where I am knowing that the change will come, but I need to be ready for it. I'm just not ready right now.


I went off on a long tangent about weight, but this really applies to any area where you are lacking confidence. Allow those negative thoughts to come, but push them out by replacing them with something positive, that you can believe and be proud of. Keep practicing this throughout your day and before you know it, those negative thoughts won't stand a chance.


Letting go isn't hard from the logistical sense. But it is scary. It requires emotional and mental change and that kind of change can take time and be hard to accept.


If you want help letting go of something or someone in your life, I am here, ready to take your hand and guide you to the right decision. In coaching, we will work on what you deem most important and customize our sessions so that YOU have the best outcome you can have. My approach never has been and never will be laid out for you in a pretty bow. But, I can tell you that if you feel anxious, stress, and tired, you will begin to feel a sense of peace that you haven't felt in years. This work is life changing and I'm here for the ride when you are ready. Book a free call HERE



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